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:) [Apr. 18th, 2005|02:42 pm]
[Current Mood |lovedloved]
[Current Music |a moment like this - kelly clarkson]

i am the luckiest girl in the world.
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being selfish and petty [Apr. 10th, 2005|04:03 am]
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[Current Music |let her cry - hootie an d the blowfish]

seriously, if there was a way for tonight to get worse, it did.

and i'll admit to being selfish. and honestly, i didn't think about my "problems" (or what i make out to be problems...) the entire time i was in the ER.

and i say "problems" because i imagine they're only there because i'm putting them there.

i'm not making any sense and i haven't even drank.

yet somehow i have alcohol to blame for everything that's stressing me right now.

except my sister. that didn't have anything to do with alcohol. just that she hates me.
okay hates is a strong word. i hope she doesn't hate me. i wish she liked me more though.

and seriously, i just want to be able to come home to someone at 4 am after a night like tonight and have him hold me and say everything is going to be okay.

i realize, of course, that is 4 am and i'm living in a dreamworld and i already have close to perfection.. and i still want more.

that goes back to me being selfish.

yup, i'm not going to sleep tonight.
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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2005|01:28 pm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |just to see you smile - tim mcgraw]

everything is different. but so much better.

i needed a change :)

but it's wierd that i'm going to go home and everything at home is going to be the same. so it won't really be home.

i feel like this is home now. i don't want to leave.

i have to go see a play for theatre; i'll update more when i have more time.
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i haven't written in a while [Mar. 7th, 2005|11:41 pm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |scars - papa roach]

spring break was last week. it was nice; i went home and didn't do too much. sleeping in late, tanning (so bad for you i know, i know; but all my friends were on the beach and i knew i'd be jealous of their tans), and working out. i saw a lot of my most favorite people, some of whom i hadn't seen in way too long. i went to comp and didn't want to come back. it's wierd being seen as so much there and coming here to be a number. hopefully it will be worth it in the end. i visited the law offices, and my boss, the head lawyer, michael wasn't there; but he came to the colleen contest on saturday to see me. the colleen contest was fun. it was so nice to see everyone, and a couple little 2005ers are heading up to northeastern next year :)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
amelia, jackie and i at the ball :)

so my week was pretty relaxed, which was incredible after midterms last week. i went out to eat a lot with some of my bestests. longhorn steakhouse is not as good as people made it out to be! but i <3 monopoly and 99s desserts and crispy chicken salads from friendlys and DQ (ok, that's a love/hate relationship) and driving up and down memorial drive with sam.

thursday night we went downtown too.. yeaah springfield.

now it's back to papers and readings and my stupid theatre performance on thursday. looking forward to next week when i have a little bit of a break from all the work ..

i'll be home again for easter, but until then everyone has to come see me on their spring breaks! :)
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shdfhgsafdhcfhsgaf [Feb. 1st, 2005|02:07 pm]
[Current Mood |angryangry]
[Current Music |the construction outside]

somebody (and by somebody i mean a guy, preferably one i know personally) please leave me a comment flirting to the extreme so i can respond and flirt back and this can continue for multiple weeks to watch matt get wicked jealous and pissed off and then be like "well it's just a forum, don't take it personally, don't read into it" so he knows how i feel.

i'm sorry i don't care if you never see the person or it's just online it's not right to say certain things to the opposite sex when you're in a relationship. examples include but are not limited to:

"i'll be your rebound boy"

i don't even remember what other stupid sexual asides there are, but they drive me nuts.

and i think because they drive me nuts they happen more often.

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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2005|01:30 am]
[Current Mood |touchedtouched]
[Current Music |wind beneath my wings - bette midler]

you know what i miss? really really really miss? long car rides. up and down the drive and through south hadley and even random road trips to the hampshire mall. after junior prom sam and rege? i miss being with my friends who i can talk for hours and hours with about everything. the ones who know everything about me and are still my friends. i miss umteen million nights of doing nothing with sam but getting food and driving around and talking. i miss playing town and jumping on your trampoline (even though you broke your ankle the first time we did). i miss making forts out of boxes from bjs. fat kids for life. even if we turn into the biggest losers ever (and absolutely NO ONE comes to any of our parties), i swear i'll still be there. i miss sitting with rege all day and having the best conversations ever. no one could have given rolling thunder a better name. smart kids for life! and seriously, who doesn't want a summer fling?! you keep me grounded girl, i swear i wouldn't have accomplished half the things i did without you pushing me. i owe you so much. sam & rege: hot teachers? oh my gosh high school would NOT have been the same without my tripod. i would have DIED without you girls. and i miss running out of homecoming dance with ashley d or driving around and listening to the hanson christmas cd and talking forever. you always gave me an out when i needed it most. i miss DBs with emily. chagnon you would listen to every single complaint i've EVER had about matt and just laugh cos you knew in a week tops i'd be in my own little heaven again. (everything happens to us at the same time). i swear to god sometimes i thought you were gonna just go to matt yourself and be like DEAL WITH HER! haha, thanks for keeping me with you (and tame.. and not letting me do anything too drastic). heath i miss our spots. and you still owe me the goldfish. it would look fantastic in my dorm room. i even miss waking up to da da da. worm farms?! haha you tell me the truth even when it's the last thing i ever want to hear and i love you for it. but who else would stay up with me all night when i was scared after watching scream? haha lyssa i miss having you 2 seconds away to come get me whenever i was dying (or thought i was). and even getting pulled over after cotillion with a tiara still on my head 'cos your head light was out and we had circled the area 75 times. you're doing my makeup for my wedding -- and NO EYELINER. spot <3 girls nights in with ben and jerrys and movies. petrie i miss every single birthday / graduation / party everr. increase the peace .. and go to hell! from diapers to graduation caps.. kate i miss every single conversation in every single class senior year. i would not have made it without you. anywhere but here.. come to think of it i guess it wasn't so bad. catchphrase anyone?!

seriously you only find real true friends once in a lifetime and i found some of the best in the world. i'm so lucky to have you all. and not only my BESTEST friends, but all of my other awesome ones. i miss you girls more than anything here in boston.

did you ever know that you're my hero?
and everything i would like to be?
and i can fly higher than an eagle
'cos you are the wind beneath my wings

it might have appeared to go unnoticed
but i've got it all here in my heart
i want you to know i know the truth
of course i know
that i would be nothing without you

did you ever know that you're my hero?
you're everything i wish i could be
i could fly higher than an eagle
but you are the wind beneath my wings..

thank you, thank you, thank GOD for you
the wind beneath my wings

i miss you girls more than anythingCollapse )
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boored and procrastinating. [Feb. 1st, 2005|12:24 am]
[Current Mood |boredbored]
[Current Music |the movie beaches!!]

you know you're interestedCollapse )
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(no subject) [Jan. 26th, 2005|09:36 pm]
[Current Mood |lovedloved]
[Current Music |shameless- garth brooks]

it's nice to know that everything's okay. better than okay.

and you even cut your hair. aww.

you make my world. i love you.
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FUCKAING COOL [Jan. 23rd, 2005|03:02 am]
[Current Mood |drunkdrunk]

forthe record, and i'm so not bitter, isn't is fuccking COOL when your "boyfriend's" away message says cellular me or whatevar and he calls YOU, HANGS up and then youc an'yt get ahold of him all nigth. yeah thats my idea of a aloving relationshaip too. glad we're on the same track.
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2005|02:06 pm]
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |let's be us again - lonestar]

i'm stuck between the past and the future.

nothing seems right anymore. i just want to go back to my old life. i want to be home. i want to be with you. but nothing at home is the same, and i haven't any idea what's going on with you.

maybe that's the only problem.

you make me feel at home. when we're doing well, everything else in the world just falls into place.

and when i'm worried about us making it through this.. well, nothing else seems to be making it through either.
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